There are many other names for it. In Western religions it is that part of us that is in touch with God. It is where we are connected to that larger force governing the Universe. In Eastern religions it is that part of us that is the god-head within. It is what you get in touch with to become one with the Universe. In psychology, it is the subconscious mind, but even the subconscious mind has been connected to a larger whole in Jung's theories of the collective subconscious and his later views on Synchronicity or connections between us all that cannot be explained by cause-and-effect reasoning.

The three concepts used to talk about Reflection, reality, inner- and outer-self are not cleanly defined and often overlap. For example, certain parts of reality, such as health and emotions, are also part of the outer-self. Similarly, we are often consciously aware of the inner-self, thus making it overlap with the outer-self.

A life at the peak of spiritual awareness

This model of three overlapping parts presents a simple framework for understanding the human condition and spiritual quest. The conscious mind of the outer-self sits between reality and inner-self, forming a barrier between them. The spiritual quest attempts to make the outer-self more aware of the inner-self, thus increasing the overlap between the two. Reflection indicates reality is directly related to inner-self, so that as the inner- and outer-selves converge, so does reality, as shown in the picture.

Those familiar with Western religions will see the similarity to achieving a state of grace, those familiar with Eastern religions will see the similarity to becoming one with the Universe, and those familiar with psychology will see the similarity to reaching a more harmonious relationship between self and reality.

The boundaries between the three concepts are only constructs of our minds, to allow our conscious selves to come to grips with them. Reflection holds true whether or not we are aware of it, and the only difference between the two cases pictured is the awareness of the individual.

But this is all jumping ahead of the story and for now just making a distinction between reality, inner- and outer-self is a useful tool for understanding the sometimes harsh, sometimes harmonious lives we lead every day.

When the three concepts seem distinct, which is most of the time for most of us, then cause and effect seems to be a logical way of explaining things. But there is a problem because it is not clear which is the cause and which the effect. In one case, we think conscious acts of will influence reality, and in the other, we think events in reality influence the self.

These two views correspond to the two poles of the classic free will versus determinism, or fate, debate. Reality influencing self is fate, self influencing reality is free will.

Free Will vs. Fate

We are compelled to one or the other by our desire to see the world obey cause-and-effect logic, but there are times when neither seems true, when inner- and outer-selves overlap, and life just flows, not as fate or as an act of will, but as some combination of both. These are the times that we are most aware of the dynamics of Reflection, these are also the times we are most in harmony with ourselves and the circumstances of our lives.

It is only when life doesn't seem to flow that either fate, forcing our lives, or free will, forcing our destiny, seems like a more accurate description of how life works. The word "seems" is key—the simultaneous, acausal dynamic of Reflection is always at work, the only thing that changes is our perception of it.

The relationship between the three concepts is often apparent to me when I drift into my feelings while driving alone. There, my reality might include being cut off by some inconsiderate jerk. Such an event rarely occurs in isolation, and the number of inconsiderate jerks on the road who make me angry come in waves. Looking inside I often find the waves come when I am feeling vulnerable and a victim of an uncaring world.

Here, then, we can see how the three parts—the reality of being cut off, the outer-self feelings of anger and righteous indignation, and the inner-self feelings of vulnerability—fit together.

Driving Example

The reality of being treated rudely reflects perfectly the inner-feeling of vulnerability. It is only the self-image trying to deny that feeling that is made angry. In other words, there is harmony in the situation, it is just not pleasant to admit. Who wants to say being cut off is a reflection of how they feel about themselves?

I also find that when I am more at peace with myself, traffic flows more freely and drivers are more courteous. The reality of the road reflects my inner state of mind.

This simple driving example is the key to understanding the more difficult aspects of Reflection. We cannot imagine a connection between a random rude driver and our inner state of mind, yet, the more one looks inside for this type of connection, the more it will be found.

In other words, the evidence is there but we tend to deny it for one of two reasons—either it doesn't fit our logical view of how the world works, or emotionally we don't want to accept it. Often both reasons work together to reinforce each other.

For example, in the case of being cut-off I would, first, not want to admit to the feelings of vulnerability and instead get angry at the jerk, and second, even if I suspected there might be a connection, would dismiss it as being total irrational.

Yet the anger, sense of injustice, and pain of being cut off only exist because of the disharmony between outer- and inner-self. A deeper understanding of the inner-self can lead to a sense of peace and understanding of the situation, and one way to gain that understanding is by using external reality as a mirror on the soul.

Reflection provides a tool for better understanding the inner self, a task which is normally difficult because of the conscious ego of the outer self standing in the way. However, external reality is easy to see and provides the clues to the inner self it perfectly reflects.

In looking for the inner-self reflected in reality, you will not always find the answers, and you will not always like the answer you do find, but the very quest will make you more aware.

The interconnections between us all that is implied by Reflection are truly mind boggling, and they will be explored in this book, but the best way to start is simply by focusing on the links from one's inner-self to surrounding reality. This is frightening because it implies a level of responsibility and depth of honesty that do not come easy, but it is simple because it allows the single question, "What does my reality say about me?" to be used as the starting point for all understanding.

In looking for evidence of Reflection it is useful to keep the distinction between wants and needs as made in the Rolling Stone's lyric. The outer-self is categorized by wants, the inner-self by needs. The implication is needs are deeper and more powerful than wants.

The words wants and needs used in this book have more precise meanings than normal. Wants are directly related to the outer-self, needs are directly related to the inner-self. The words are used because they often fit in sentences better than inner-self and outer-self. They are italicized to emphasize the difference.

Wants & Needs

Sometimes what we want and what we need are the same, and sometimes not. Wants may or may not be reflected in reality; needs always are. In all but those who have reached the peak of spiritual enlightenment, wants and needs are not the same. It is needs that are linked to realities and create the wondrous coincidences. It is the unfulfilled wants that make the world seem random and fickle. The more out of harmony a person's wants and needs are, the more out of harmony that person will be with his or her reality.

Sometimes wants and needs are slightly out of harmony. My desire for my first real job (wants) led me on a fruitless job search, but my need for a job that fit my skills and interests was fulfilled as if by magic with the offer to learn computer programming from a friend.

Sometimes wants and needs are in direct conflict. It is often easier to fail at some endeavor (need) in life than it is to succeed (want), as was the case with my sales career. Often there is comfort in feeling sorry for ourselves (need), but that can only happen if our reality includes something we can feel sorry about (didn't want) as when I was fired from sales.

The conflict between wants and needs is expressed in lies we tell ourselves and the world around us. The lies are the work of the outer-self, denying responsibility for the bad and taking false credit for the good. We try to convince ourselves and others that we are one way, but really we are another. For example, the wants of my self-image and my desires and fears about my financial future kept me in a sales career, and prompted me to make it clear to all around that I wanted to succeed in sales. My need to move on got me fired.

Two patterns of behavior, related to wants and needs, that help to find hidden links to reality are shoulds and striving. Both come from wants that are not in harmony with needs.

We often do what we think we should be doing. The word should implies that what we should do is not necessarily what we intuitively feel like doing. The shoulds come more from the head than the heart. For example, a beautiful day on the weekend might make us feel like we should go outside, but maybe we'd rather be reading inside. This conflict can lead to disharmonious experiences whether we stay inside or go outside. Our reality reflects the conflict between heart-felt needs and logical shoulds.

Related is the concept of striving. Striving implies acts of extreme will power to overcome our innate nature. Striving goes against the grain and leads to disharmonious realities. This is not to imply that hard work in the pursuit of goals causes problems. When the goals are in harmony with inner needs, then the pursuit, while hard, is energized and flows smoothly. When there is friction, then the pursuit turns to striving and it is time to step back and ask why.

When exploring Reflection, ask questions about all aspects of life and look for the answers within. For example what is reflected by the job you have or the one you lost, your boy friend, girl friend, husband, wife or lack thereof, the hobbies and activities you pursue and your relative success or failures at them, and the people who like you and the people who don't.

Let me, once more, make it perfectly clear that Reflection is not about causal relationships. For example, if you have lost a partner in a relationship it doesn't matter if they walked out on you or were run over by a truck. In either case your reality is that they are gone and this is where you look for connections. As far as the loss goes, there is no difference between the two cases, even though you might be able to imagine how you could subconsciously drive someone away and not imagine how you are connected to the truck.

In addition to major life situations, answers can be found by looking for the reflections in smaller details as well, such as getting or not getting an assignment at work, a moment of closeness or a small spat with a loved one, a lucky break or lack thereof in a game, and ease or difficulty in finding a parking space.

Also notice what other people tell you and how you react. Their words, too, are reflections of your inner-self. The question is how.

Many times the answers will not be found. I began to see Reflection at work in my life by noticing the connections between some aspects of my health and inner-self in my mid-twenties. Soon thereafter I began to see some of the connections between both my sporting and working endeavors and my inner-self. Still, at that time many aspects of my life appeared to be just random phenomena. In particular the difficulties with my family did not seem related to anything in my inner self. It is only in my early forties that I began to see many of those reflections, as well as many of the missing pieces at work and play.

I do not claim to have reached any extraordinary depths of insight, or to be able to understand everything in my own life, but I write this now because so many of the pieces of my life and those around me fit together that I can only assume the parts that don't make sense are due to lack of vision.

Because it is my own life that I can most readily access, and it is my own life that has lead to the level of understanding I now have, the bulk of the individual examples are from my life. The understandings expressed come from asking the simple question "why?" My expressions of the answers are often derived from my readings in psychology, but it doesn't matter how you describe your inner needs, or even if you verbalize them at all. Just being aware of them is all that is important.

There are many wonderful happenings in life where the answer to the question why is obvious. Meeting the perfect person at just the right time, getting the perfect job offer, getting the help you needed just when you needed it, all are examples of the joyous filling of inner needs. I have many stories like these, but stories like these have been told hundreds of times over to illustrate ideas that are similar to Reflection. They are used to show the power of God, the power of positive thinking, the results of getting in touch with yourself, and other similar such things. These stories are easy to accept because, as they may not make logical sense, they reveal positive aspects of the inner self and are not, therefore, emotionally threatening.

For example, we can easily imagine someone saying "I really needed a job and like magic I got this call with the perfect job for me." Or, "There was no one in my life and suddenly, like magic, I met him or her, the perfect person for me."

It is much more difficult to imagine people saying "I was really frustrated with my job and like magic I got fired." Or, "My relationship wasn't working out and like magic he or she left me."

Because it is when reality causes pain that the answers within are most difficult to find, the bulk of the stories in this book focus on the more painful incidents in life, but by understanding the source of the pain we can come to a much clearer understanding of the source of the joy. Also by understanding the pain we can learn to accept and deal with it better.

Reflection is not a tool for forcing change in our lives. Trying to change by forcing change, is not in my experience, an effective way to change. Instead, Reflection is a way of looking at life that helps us understand and realize our lives are all right just the way they are. The realization might be a catalyst for change, but not necessarily.

For example, a friend complained that no one at work liked her, but on thinking about it, realized that she, in not so subtle ways, had alienated her co-workers. Furthermore, that was really just the way she liked it—she didn't want to interact socially with them and wanted to be left alone to do her job. So using Reflection to find the inner needs didn't lead to change, but to an understanding that her reality was as she needed it. She only perceived a problem because of that part of her that thought she should interact more with her co-workers.